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The Full Monty Miscellaneous Big Ass Rock Let's find a rock, I mean a big ass rock. Or maybe something like a cinder block, Is better. I'll hoist it up, And drop it on your face, My buddy. And just before the lights go out, You'll see my smile, And you'll know you've got a friend, With a rock, Who cares. I mean a big ass rock! Or a rope, I got some quality rope. Made for a man who's devoid of hope, Like you are, My buddy...Micheal. Uh..that's Malcom. Yeah, Malcom...right. And I wont leave you swingin' there, Twitchin' like a fish while you claw the air. I'll grab your feet, And pal of mine, I'll pull real hard and, SNAP...your spinal cord. This world is cold when you're alone, And they ignore you. But don't kill yourself. We'll do it for you. You've got a friend. (You've got a friend, you've got a friend.) *In Talk* You know I asked a guy once if he'd mind putting me in a barrel and sending me over the falls. You know what the son of a bitch said? Drop dead asshole. People are pricks. Well.. I asked this guy if he'd take his air compressor and drill me with a six inch nail right through the eye. What'd he say? I'm low on nails. People are selfish pricks. Now another time, now get this. I lay down in front of a steamroller and asked the guy just to proceed, ya know, business as usual, and squash me like a bug. That's a good way to go Jer, the ole bug squash. Hey we could tie a plastic laundry bag around his head. Nah, that's such a wimp suicide. I stuck my finger in a socket once. It hurt real bad...but it didn't kill me. Malcom stay out of this. *Singing* I've got a friend, Like Carol King, Or was it Carlie Simon, Used to sing. I always get those two confused anyways. I turned around, And suddenly, I'm not alone, It aint just me. I'm like a player on the team. (Player on the team) Part of the gang. (Part of the gang) A member of the club Ooh, lets get a club, I like the big ass rock. Nah, one good swing, And I'll clean his clock, forever. Let gravity do the work! It's man's way to die Mikey! MALCOM! I've got friends. Friends who will love you like a maniac, And lead you lamb to the railroad track, And tie ya down. I GOT FRIENDS! Tickle your wrist, With a single-edged razor, Or buy you a bear, With a drano chaser, Or dump you in a river with a rock. A big ass rock. *Talking* Here's a nice one right over here. Hey, can I give ya a hand with that? Look's heavy. Naw, Dave, *Singing* It aint heavy, he's my friend. *Talking* Aww come on, group hug. |
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